It is the only guaranteed part of life, the theories of death is many and varied. Me and my grandma shared our deep thoughts about these varied theories the last years of her life. She had lost her faith in any god, because two of her kids, my uncle and my aunt had been taken before her. But we found solace in the unknown, but with the unknown comes anxiety, but luckily for us both we had time to reason and talk about this anxiety at great lengths.
Before she left she had lost grip on this reality, after a stroke she started to hallucinate and forget who everyone was, she didn’t remember well before this, but toward the end it had become a whole lot stronger. But we had already discussed and concluded that no fear should be attached to death, because we cannot fear the unknown, it may be bliss, it may be horrid and it may even be nothing. But we have no clue, so there is nothing to fear. As she driften away slowly we ended it on a note of love, held hands for hours and she told me she was ready for the unexpected. She squeezed my hand so hard and told me she loved me.
I did not shed a tear even though the loss took an extreme toll on me, it was in the back of my mind and she pops in every now and then. I do miss the times we spent when i was young, she thought me to cuss, to smoke and to spray paint. But there is nothing to miss about the suffering and confusion she went through. I love her to this day, whatever may have happened to her after leaving me. My most treasured moment is when we did not speak a word for several hours as she grasped my hand and clenched down on it as hard as she possibly could, almost whispering the words “Jeg elsker deg” which translated to I love you greatly.