My reluctance to start working on any larger project is growing bigger by the minute. I have documented and pondered at great lengths of the feasibility and possibility to execute these grand ideas ans schemes of everything from automated companies, literature or large art exhibitions, without coming to any conclusion on what to do. The thought of spending even larger amount of time and putting my own reputation on the line for a product, company or idea, is frankly rather scary. It is not the fear of my own failure, but rather the people i would have to involve is such projects that frightens me without an end.
The fires that i create through involving others in my little sparks of projects, often end up burning me. I truly believe that i have great human qualities and are able to communicate rather well with people, and even at times inspire them to be better and to believe in themselves. But they never cease to disappoint me at every stop along the way. It is usually regarding organizational skills, and the ability to actually execute and finish larger tasks on time without me being directly involved on every step.
This is something I really have to be better at, maybe I am in need of a project manager of sorts, or just a friend with better people skills then me. Someone that can help me cope with the disappointments that are so inherit to humans.
I guess I will continue to ponder at great lengths, until i can find someone along the way of life that are able to help me in such a manner, or maybe i will help them with their project, or maybe it will be a total collaboration between two great minds. I am not modest, and i refuse to be that.
Until then I will try to help the world in every way I can, and try to better myself along the road. Not to downplay the rather big role that the loneliness of not knowing anyone that is as devoted to help others, whether that be by accumulating enough wealth to actually help on a larger scale or if it is in the way of only directly helping others.